Jezebel

To think of my task is chilling
To know I was carefully building the mask
I was wearing for two years, swearing I'd tear it off
I've sat in the dark explaining to myself
that I'm straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily
Called myself Jezebel, I don't believe

Before I say that the vows we made weigh like a stone in my heart
Family is family, don't let this tear us apart

You lie there, an innocent baby
I feel like the thief who is raiding your home
entering and breaking and taking in every room
I know your feelings are tender and that inside you the embers still glow
But I'm a shadow, I'm only a bed of blackened coal
Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm just saying we've mistaken one for thousands of words
And for that mistake, I've caused you such pain that I damn that word
I've no more ways to hide that I'm a desolate and empty, hollow place inside

I'm not saying I'm replacing love for some other word
to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you
I'm not saying love's a plaything
No, it's a powerful word
inspired by strong desire to bind myself to you
How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his wife
to weave our lives into a blindfold over both our eyes